Overcome Marriage and Money Problems
Tom Beeson,
Personal Financial Life Success Coach
Don’t let Marriage and Money Problems get you down. There is hope and there is something you can do to save your marriage from disaster. Getting help should be your first priority and help is available. Don’t try to fix this on your own. Consult a professional coach or therapist.
Here are the first steps you should take to resolve dealing with money problems in your marriage.
Step 1: Get the RIGHT marriage money management tools --
What tools do you use in your personal finances? Are those tools getting the job done quickly and efficiently? None of us would build a deck with only a plastic table knife and plastic spoon. Would you hammer a nail with the palm of your hand? Having the right tool is just as important to personal finances as anything else in life.
Most people think that a “budget” is a restrictive straight jacket or used to be abused by your spouse. Others think of a “budget” as an instrument of deprivation and failure. The answer is simple – don’t use a “budget”! Use a cash spending plan instead.
You need something that both of you can agree upon. Something easy to use that can be completed in just 15 minutes a month. You need something real and accurate that puts you in control of your money instead of your money being in control of you. A cash spending plan does exactly this. I teach couples how to use cash spending plans everyday and I can teach you too.
Most budgets never work or are very frustrating to use. If you use the wrong budget you might as well saw wood with a plastic table knife. How much patience do you have left?
I prefer to use a monthly cash spending plan called a “zero based budget”. It is simple, easy to use and it works every time. It can be done on paper or inside of an MS-Excel spreadsheet. First, put your income (take home pay) at the top. Second, set a little aside for giving and saving for emergencies. Third, pay all your basic expenses such as housing, food, transportation and clothing. Last pay your credit card debt and miscellaneous expenses. Spend **every** dollar. Your income minus your expenses MUST equal zero or you have to go back a reallocate somewhere. Do one cash spending plan for every month. Every month is different so don’t try to make that ghastly unrealistic magic budget that you will never be able to make work.
Step 2: Stop using debt and start using cash!
Want to give yourself a 12-18% pay raise without increasing your current salary by one cent? Use cash! When you use actual cash (not your credit card, debit card or ATM card) you will spend 12-18% less and feel greater control of your finances and your life. You will not starve or do without; you will not suffer any ill effects.
There is a system called the cash envelope system that has been around for decades. It was most commonly used in the 1930’s and 1940’s. For example, Joe and Suzy would sit down at their kitchen table the first of every month. They would take Joe’s paycheck, cash it and distribute the money into several envelopes. They had one envelope for their rent or mortgage, one for gas and electric, one for vacation, one envelope for gas for their car, one for groceries, and one envelope for eating out, and so on. They spent only out these envelopes and if the envelope was empty they did without or transferred money from another envelope. This is by far the simplest and most effective budgeting system known today. A modified version of this system is now being taught by consumer financial education specialists and is used by families today. You don’t have to put your money in a bunch of envelopes like the old days, but understanding this system helps tremendously.
Step 3: Forgive ALL the past (it doesn’t matter anymore!)
Ok, so you both made poor choices and both of you are a little hot under the collar. When dealing with marriage and money issues this is normal and is to be expected. But if you don’t exercise a little (or a lot) of forgiveness then you may as well hire a divorce attorney right now. Going through financial problems on your own is painful. Being married and going through financial problems can be doubly painful. Your pain along with your spouse’s pain amplifies the situation even more. This is why you need a professional financial life coach to give you a clear picture and direction as to how to proceed next.
Ask yourself the following questions: “Should I hold myself accountable for something I didn’t know or was never taught in the first place?” “Should I hold my spouse accountable?” I think that you will find yourself cutting your spouse a bit more slack from now on.
Husbands – it is important to understand that your self worth is tied up in your ability to bring home a healthy paycheck. If you are experience financial problems then your self esteem is the first thing to go. Look to your wife for encouragement and support. Give honest affirmations to your wife everyday. (Note the word honest as in don’t mislead her!) Supportive, non-sexual, hugs go along way to helping you and your wife cope with the days ahead.
Wives – it is important that you know your security is threatened by your financial situation. You may be scared, even terrified, and prone to making choices out of fear. Take a deep breath and rest assured that there is hope ahead! Give honest affirmations to your husband everyday. (Note the word honest as in don’t mislead him!) Agree to work with your husband and resist the temptation to strike out on your own. Give your husband words of encouragement everyday.
Step 4 – Explore and fortify your values and principles TOGETHER!
Personal values and principles play a large role in healthy personal finances. From our values and principle we derive our boundaries. Would you feed your children only candy and ice cream as they demanded? Of course not.
The local electronics store has to mop their floor every night. They have to mop the saliva from in front of the huge 52 inch plasma TVs. Customers come into the store, skid to a stop in front of the big televisions and salivate all over the floor. It happens all the time. Our inner child comes out to play when we least expect it.
So, why do we allow our inner child a voice every time we go to the local store, car dealership, gold pro shop, or restaurant? Ok, you may think I am hitting a little below the belt here and perhaps I am. But think about it. That grocery store kid that lives inside of us needs just as much love and care our external kids. We need to establish and hold ourselves true to the same healthy boundaries that we would impose on those around us.
Step 5: Set good healthy boundaries!
A boundary is simply a line that we will not cross and that we will respect. We establish boundaries all the time. Self discipline is the commitment to stay true to our boundaries, values and principles. Many have all the self discipline they will ever need. In fact, we have all the discipline there is in the world today. What many lack is the understanding of our boundaries.
It is said that healthy personal finances are 80% behavior and 20% knowledge. The simple tools you use will help you tame the behavior you are looking for. We must not settle for just any tool, but the right tools. Keep it simple and you will come to know financial prosperity and abundance for life. A good financial life coach can show you how to "Plan Your Spending" and bring financial peace to your marriage.
Order your copy of these powerful tutorials
on CD-ROM and Workbook
-- Will just any budget help solve our problem? --
Most spending control methods never work or are very frustrating to use. And if were to you use the wrong budget you might as well be sawing wood with a dull table knife.
- The # 1 reason most spending plans fail is that we were never taught how in high school,
college or any where else. How can you do something
right that you were never taught how to do in the
first place? Many just make it up as they go along.
- The # 2 reason most spending plans fail is because the one we use makes us
feel restricted and and all tied up like going on a diet. We want what we want when we want it. However, we fail to realize that a budget is nothing more than a cash spending plan. There is no need to be afraid or cynical of a budget anymore. Instead we use a cash spending plan to live life to its fullest. Now we can lighten up a little.
- The # 3 reason most spending plans fail is because they are overly complicated. Quicken and MS Money can be great computer programs if not for the fact they were written by accountants for nerds who drive everyone crazy. These programs are set up to track too many meaningless details! Why would you want to know how much we are spending on shampoo aside from our grocery budget?
- The #4 reason most spending plans fail is because we get beat up or try to control someone else (spouse, children, etc) with a budget. Everyone gets stressed out and close relationships begin to fail. Over half the marriages end in divorce because of financial problems. A budget is NOT a control device. Give yourself (and everyone around you) a little slack.
- The #5 reason most spending plans fail is they are incomplete and vague. Like the “it’s all in my head” system of budgeting. We forget and major memory lapses that lead to continual mini-financial crises. Or take the “it’s all in the percentages” method of budgeting. What percent caused you to pay over $250 in bounced check charges last month?
Even if you are doing well right now,
you may be leaking out hundreds of dollars and not even
know it. If you and your spouse are continually
stressed out then you need a spending plan that makes
you both smile. If your budget method is
"leaky" then try the Plan Your Spending
method. You have nothing to lose and you can always go
back to your old method. However, once you try this
method then I think you'll throw the old yellow pad
away -- FOREVER!
Introducing...
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Eight (8) Powerful Tutorials
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on a Computer-CD and Workbook about
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an easy-to-use budgeting method
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that only takes 15 minutes each
month to complete...
The Plan Your Spending Tutorials on CD and Workbook Now there is a budgeting method that works!
The "Plan Your Spending" method of personal
and small business financial budgeting. A simple
easy-to-use method used by people who have better
things to do with their time then stress out about
where all the money has gone.
"My whole life was challenged with credit card debt. Thanks to Tom I was able to actually balance a budget and know where every penny was spent. Tom worked out what applied to my life and not just everyone else. His encouragement kept me from slipping off track like other budgets I had tried. Thanks Tom!"
~Brenda P.
Order your copy before the July 15, 2007 and get $20.00 Off the regular price!
The first thing you will learn is how to "Give every dollar a
purpose". Many household budgeting
methods fail because we fail to purpose where every
dollar should be. Dollars that are left lying around
will leave and never return. This is called
"leaking". It is where money that is
carelessly parked someplace without someplace to go
gets spent on things unaccounted for.
The second thing you will learn is how to Give, Save and Spend in
control and in harmony. Nearly everyone has got the
"spending" part down firm. But many fail to
give or save even when they try hard to do so. It's
not your fault. It's your budgeting method's
fault. You will lear the power of budgeting using a
priority based system where you put your giving and
saving on the top side of your budget. This also means
learning how to adjust you lifestyle to live within
your means and make saving a top priority. No more
settling for the crumbs off the table. (The
banker's table).
The third thing you will learn is how to talk to your
spouse and kids about money. The NUMBER ONE problem in
most marriages today is M-O-N-E-Y. You have better
things to do with your passion then fight about
household finances. How about using your passion for
something more romantic? How about a budgeting method
that BOTH of you can understand and work together on
with ease each month? The Plan Your Spending method
does this and more.
Need to eliminate your debt?
The Plan Your Spending method is the start of any debt
elimination plan! Only when you are in complete control
and fully connected with your hard earned cash can you
truly begin to tackle any debt problem. You must be in
control of your spending FIRST. Only then can you begin
to attack your debt in ways that will wipe it out for
good!
"We got ourselves into a "debt spiral" not really knowing how to get out. It just seemed like every month we were just a little more in debt. We weren't beyond hope, but I couldn't seem to turn this trend and I was having trouble paying off the current debt, so it was just growing. Tom's coaching helped tremendously. He walked me through the "debt elimination" and "budget" processes and helped me plug the leaky holes were money was seeping out unknowingly. His help has greatly reduced our stress over the finances. We have enough money with a budget to pay for our living expenses, to save for things we want, and we have control of the debt spiral. I use the budget program every month and it has been a tremendous help!" ~Rebecca K.
And when it comes to IRREGULAR income you need a budgeting method that will help you get through the lean months. There are special considerations that all self-employed and commissioned persons need to be aware of when it comes to personal finances. The Plan Your Spending tutorials will walk you through budgeting for income that varies and comes at odd intervals.
"Our biggest financial challenge was having too much month at the end of the money! With our irregular income we did not think it possible to get a handle on things, but with the help of Tom and his various spreadsheets, savings plan, and encouragement we were able to get a handle on things. We now have a savings that we continue to add to each month and have found that we can get to the end of the month with money! Tom is very helpful and will be able to guide you through the steps of making a better life for yourself and your family!"
~BJG
8 Tutorials on two Computer CDs:
Lesson 1: The Financial Success Cycle
Lesson 2: Setting Priorities and Values
Lesson 3: The 15-Minute Monthly Spending Plan
Lesson 4: Track it and Manage it!
Lesson 5: Compare – Asking What If?
Lesson 6: Can You Adjust?
Lesson 7: Marriage, Family and Money
Lesson 8: Irregular Income Planning for the
Self-employed
**Bonus Lesson** - Dumping Debt the Right Way!
PLUS** additional bonus material and tutorials.
The accompanying workbook contains additional tutorials and content that will help you get started right away as you work through each computer based tutorial. In addition all the worksheets are printed for you free of charge and you can make copies as needed.
Order your copy before July 15, 2007 and get $20.00 Off the regular price!
How much $$ are you leaking out due to poor financial management? How much more stress can you take from living month to month and paycheck-to-paycheck? You owe it to yourself to find out. Wouldn't it be nice to have a clear picture of where you are financially today and everyday?
"Tom gave us the tools to plan for the future and made us realize that we were not “stupid” “bad” people, we were just in a bad situation. We are struggling, but using the tools and programs we learned through Tom’s coaching, it keeps us looking forward and not backwards." ~GTW
And... I am including a 100% Satisfaction guarantee!
**If you are not 100% satisfied after three months (90 days) of using this budgeting method then I will cheerfully refund your money. No exceptions. It works! and if you work it, then it will work for you. There is even personal and special group coaching available to help you succeed. But you must try it for alt least 90 days.
Wouldn't it be nice if…
- You have access to an unbiased consumer education specialist whose only product is education?
- You know where are now so you could begin to make changes right away?
- You have an expert coach to show you how ?
- You know in a step by step fashion exactly how to get where you want to go financially?
- You have such a clear picture about your present finances and future direction that tonight and every night you sleep like a baby?
You can experience all these things and more when you follow the tutorials on the Plan Your Spending CD and do the exercises in the workbook. After all it's YOUR money and YOUR life. Nobody cares more about yourself than you do. you owe it to yourself to use powerful life tools that make daily living easier and fun.
When was the last time you paid cash for a vacation? (Not financed on credit)
If your car breaks down tomorrow do you have enough money in a savings account to fix it?
How will you live when you retire? Will you be in or out of debt at retirement?
What is your biggest challenge and fear when it comes to personal finances?
Where did you learn about managing money and who taught you? How confident are you that you know all there is to know about managing your personal finances?
These and other important questions are daunting problems that good people face everyday. Are you equipped to handle them? If you use an exceptional budgeting method then you will! Personal finance is just as much about habit as it is knowledge. But good habits and discipline are not the only thing you need to succeed. You need powerful tools that get the job done in short order so that you can spend your energy on more important things - like life!
Purchase your copy between now and July 15, 2007
and get it for only $ 69.00!
But you MUST act before July 15th. After that the price goes up to $89.00
If you are tired of the "money-go-round" and are ready to take back control of your personal and small business finances then you need get started right away. I look forward to hearing from you soon...
